


Blue Meets Brown

by dracodormit



Category: MIKA (Musician) RPF
Genre: M/M, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-13
Updated: 2018-05-25
Packaged: 2018-09-17 07:12:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 19,109
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9311066
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dracodormit/pseuds/dracodormit
Summary: Ivory - a hurt and confused 22-year-old with people all around, who judge. Ivory judges too. But the judgements make Ivory full of  doubt  and at some point Ivory becomes someone else.  Until one person comes along. That person shows Ivory how to be true to yourself and to your friends.





	1. 1

  
_"You say it's only words_  
 _And that it will get easier with time._  
 _Nothing's only words_  
 _That's how hearts get hurt."_   
~~~~~~

Why do people judge? They have no right to do so. And I also have no right. But I do. Everyone has committed this act at least once in their lifetime. I think everyone in this world has been a victim of judgement at some point or the other. I know I have.

So why do we judge? Because we want to make ourselves feel better when we see someone with seemingly different characteristics to us, and think they have it all wrong? The worst thing is that those judgements somehow make you doubt yourself. They leave you unsure about who you are, your worth, and whether you're doing the right thing in life.

That has happened to me too. I've been judged by my parents and by society. I'm not saying everyone judges who I am. A lot of people don't these days. But usually the judgement of the people close to you, matter the most. And they hurt. They leave you in endless doubt.

So how do you get rid of those doubts? How do you become more confident in your own skin when you're already scarred with those words?

I don't think you do. I think you stay scarred forever. Just like you stay scarred when someone breaks your heart- or when someone dies. It's just a different scar. But you heal. You heal the wounds that those harsh words create. And then the wounds scar. And the scars stay.

Sometimes you heal in days, months... But the most serious and painful wounds can take longer. Some wounds can heal with just a small bandage over them. Some need stitches.

My wounds need stitches. And the only problem is finding the person who'll stitch you up. I haven't found that person yet. But for now I have a smaller substitute. _Music_. Not just any music though.

 _His_ music. That music helps me heal a bit. But I'm afraid music isn't enough. I envy those people who already found that person. The person who stitched them up. I envy them a lot.

When will it be my turn to find that person? I know I shouldn't be impatient. It's not a good thing to be impatient. Here I am, once again judging. Judging all those people who are impatient, and myself. That's not right. I should stop. After all, I also make wounds to others sometimes. I try not to though. But I should try harder.

I'm rambling. One more thing that labels me. I'm like _this._ I'm like _that_. I'm _human_ , just like everyone else.

"Ivory, can you please turn off that awful music? I'm sick of listening to it," my mother's voice carries through the closed door of my room. This right now is one of the judgements I hear every day. His music is apparently awful, as my mother puts it. I don't agree. After all, it's the only thing that keeps me alive right now. His music and his voice are unique. He must be a unique person too. I don't know him personally and that's why I won't judge. All I know is that he is a singer, an amazing one. And that he is quite famous.

I roll of my bed and walk to the stereo. I close my eyes and soak in the last few verses of the song. Turning off the stereo at the end of the song, I let out a heavy sigh and look around my room. It's spacious but dark. The big windows are covered with heavy, dark curtains. This room barely gets any light. I prefer it that way. My parents hate it. They think my room should be visible to everyone who passes the house.

After all, my parents are wealthy enough to buy an entire street if they wanted. They think that's the most important thing in the world. And of course, that no one knows what a freak their child is. They're pretty good at hiding it for now. Well, it's not like a lot of people know. Only those who can read the signs. That's good. For now, I like it better that way. I've been judged enough for it from my family and those who know. I don't need more unnecessary attention. It would just ruin me even more.

And I can't afford that. I can't afford being wounded more. Because at some point I might bleed to death.

With one last quick glance around the room, I open the door and leave. It's time for dinner. One of the most awkward and painful times of the day. You do not want to experience it. Not with the parents I have.

"You're late to dinner again, Ivory. You know your father and I like to eat at exactly seven o'clock."

I glare at my mother and roll my eyes. I couldn't care less about that. They should be happy I actually agree to dining with them. Mother just glares at me and then puts a plate of crepes in front of me. They're delicious as always. Our cook sure does know how to make crepes. She's French and that tells you a lot, as my mother likes to put it. Our chef is actually the only person in this enormous house that doesn't mind me for who I am. That's why the second half of my time in this house, is spent in the kitchen. Talking to her whilst helping her make the delicious dishes is a privilege I am happy to have.

My dreams of becoming a chef only exist because of her. She taught me to cook and she told me to _dream_. But once again, the judgements killed my dreams. I hate them for that.

 


	2. 2

_"All I wanna do is make you happy_  
_All I wanna do is make you happy_  
_All I wanna do is make you happy"_

~~~~~~~

  
Earphones plugged in. Music on. I look around and see that everyone either is focusing on the professor's lecture or chatting quietly among themselves. No one is paying attention to me. Not even the professor. Good.

My college classes are usually like this. I never really listen to the professors. I prefer to just stay in my room or in the kitchen throughout the day, in solitude. Not just sit here in these boring classes that I couldn't care less about. But my parents force me to do this. They want their only child to become just as successful in business as they are.

I've grown up with such high expectations that pressured me to near- insanity. It took about three years of therapy sessions during high school till I finally crawled out of the hole my parents pushed me into. After that, as my doctor suggested, my school schedule was a bit regulated. My parents let me have a bit more of free time. I finally gained a few good friends who still support me, no matter who I am.

And now I'm here, at the university where my parents studied and also met. They think that besides the good education, I'll also find myself a lifelong partner. I'm not that interested in relationships at the moment. My life is too messed up for anything new.

A girl next to me nudges me with her elbow. I look at her with a raised eyebrow. Kaitlyn gives me a hard look and I pull the earphones out of my ears.

"What?" I mouth at my friend. She just grabs my earphones and puts them in her pocket. She's always annoyed when I don't listen in class. Kaitlyn thinks that these lessons could prove to be good for me in the future. She says that knowing about business can be useful when it comes to opening a restaurant. Like that'll ever happen.

I try to get my earphones back but she just grins and sticks her tongue out at me.

"Real mature," I whisper with a small smile. From my past and my state, you would think I'm always all sad and quiet. But around my friends I'm quite an open and cheerful person. Unless things I prefer not to talk about come up.

Ten minutes later, the class ends and I'm finished for the day. Two classes like this a day I can manage. More than this would drive me crazy.

"Hey, would you like some coffee?" Kaitlyn asks as she joins my pace.

"Sure," I agree and we head to the café at the campus. This is our routine. After class we have a coffee while we walk around the campus. We usually just chat about how stupid classes are and about other irrelevant things.

We order our drinks and head towards our usual place. There's this quite private spot near the school's library which is perfect for our conversations.

"So what was on the menu today at the class?" I ask Kaitlyn, sipping my coffee.

"Nothing special, really. Half of the time he was arguing with some other students about the exam." Kaitlyn looks at me with a half-smile.

"What about the exam?"

"They want to change the dates because apparently there's a big party on a weekend before that Monday. The professor was appalled when he heard that the party is more important than school," Kaitlyn explains and I nod absentmindedly.

"What were you listening to during class?"

I look at her like she's crazy. There's only one artist I actually listen to. Well, there are some others but they're usually not worth my attention.

"Why did I even ask, huh?" She chuckles to herself. I give her an innocent smile and just shrug. Kaitlyn shakes her head and peers at her cup of coffee.

"What's so special about him? I mean, I've never been crazy about any singer or band so I don't know how being a fangirl is," she explains. Kaitlyn is like that. Quite mundane and calm. She loves drawing and I admire her art. She had even made an awesome copy of one of his CD covers. It was a gift from her for my 19th birthday.

"You listened to his music. I don't know how you can't see what an amazing voice he has," I reply quietly.

"I agree, his voice is quite special. But I just can't say I'm obsessed with him."

"It's weird, I know. Being obsessed with someone or something makes you a weirdo usually. But in my case being a weirdo is kind of normal. I've been weird all my life and this one thing doesn't change things much," I explain and she sighs disappointed.

"You're not a weirdo, Ivory. You're an amazing person and everyone should envy you by how you are. I love you and I'm so happy to be your friend," Kaitlyn says, hugging me close in her warm embrace. She always has these speeches that make me feel better when I doubt myself. I was truly grateful to have such a supportive friend like her.

"Thanks Kat," I smile and hug her back.

"No problem, love." She chuckles and then slaps my leg. "I have an idea."

"Oh, really?" I ask with a teasing voice. She always has an idea.

"Yeah, really. I think it's time you get yourself a boyfriend."

I burst out laughing. She looks at me like I just lost it. "You can't really think I can get a boyfriend? Me? You're ridiculous."

"It's not funny. I believe you can find that special person who'll make you happy," she insists.

"I already have that person who makes me happy. That's you, Kat."

Kaitlyn rolls her eyes. "I'm just a friend. You need someone who'll take care of you in a different, emotional level."

"Okay, let's say I am up for this crazy idea. How will you find me someone?"

Her eyes sparkle and she pulls out her phone. "Well, why don't we try signing you up for a dating app? I found my boyfriend there and we're still together, after two years."

It's true. She met her boyfriend over some dating site and they're practically inseparable. Well, only when it comes to college, they're not. He visits a different university and during the week, they don't see each other much.

"Okay, and what if it doesn't work?"

"We won't force anything. Whatever happens, happens. Okay?"  
Kaitlyn asks, getting all hyper.

"Okay, fine", I shrug, trying to wear the most disinterested look I can muster.

"Yes!" She exclaims and giggles. "This is going to be so much fun."

"We'll see," I mutter and finish my coffee.


	3. 3

" _Is this happening to me?_  
 _Have I lost all my defenses?"_

~~~~~~~

"Why did I agree to this?" I ask as I peer across at the café's entrance. Three weeks ago Kaitlyn convinced me to join a dating site. And now I'm here. She found a guy who goes to the same university as Kaitlyn and I do. And apparently he is interested in meeting me.

"You're going to be fine. I'm sure he's a nice guy," Kaitlyn reassures me. We had this conversation plenty of times ever since she set the date. My eyes once again gaze over the entrance and I sigh.

"I don't think I can do it," I mutter, ashamed of myself. I've never been on a date. I don't know how to act on a date.

"Okay, I have a proposition for you."

I look at Kat. "What kind of suggestion?"

"If you go on this date, I'll take you to a concert."

My gut clenches and I draw a sharp breath. "Whose concert?"

Kaitlyn smiles mischievously and shakes her head. "First you have to go into that café and meet that guy. Only then will we talk about whose concert I am taking you."

"Stop teasing me. Tell me whose concert you're taking me." I nudge her, but she looks at me, staying silent to keep me from asking any further questions.

I glare at her and then nod. "Fine, but only because you promised to take me to the concert."

Kaitlyn grins and pats my leg. "It's going to be a great date, I'm sure of it. Now go in there and have fun, okay?"

I open the door of her car and sigh. I quickly glance at Kat and she gives me a reassuring smile. "Don't think of all those judgements your parents tell you. He's a nice guy from what I've heard."

"Okay..." I mutter unsure. "Will you pick me up at the end?"

"It depends. Maybe he'll want to drive you home," Kat explains and I shake my head.

"My parents can't see me with a guy. You know that."

"Fine, I'll pick you up in about three hours."

"Why so late?" I ask with a tight voice. The nerves are acting up already.

"Because I have plans too. And if you two end the date early, then you can just go to the university's library. You like spending time there, reading all those cook books," Kaitlyn explains and laughs when I glare at her.

"Fine, see you later."

Kat grins and waves at me. "Have fun!"

I ignore the last comment. Somehow I doubt fun is on the menu today. Entering the café, my stomach clenches with nerves and fear.

It's Saturday and most of the students are off campus, probably spending time with their families. That's why the café is almost empty. I'm glad. I wouldn't want too many people seeing me on a date. It would just cause more judgemental stares and comments.

I look around and find the guy I'm supposed to meet. He's sitting near the window and sipping his drink. He looks a bit different from the picture that Kaitlyn showed me. His hair is longer now, and while on the photo he had a slight beard, his face is completely bare. I wonder how old that photo must be.

"Hello," I say politely as I approach him. The guy looks up and smiles. It looks a bit forced. Someone probably put him up to this. Maybe it was Kaitlyn who forced him to come here. Or someone who wanted to have some fun with playing me.

"Hi. Are you Ivory?" the guy asks and I nod, offering him my hand. He takes it and shakes it. "I'm Jordan. It's nice to meet you."

"Likewise," I say politely and he offers me a seat, to which I politely oblige.

Jordan smiles and motions to the waitress. She approaches us.

"What would you like to order, Ivory?" Jordan asks and looks at me.

"Um... I'd like a chocolate cappuccino," I mutter shyly. I'm not that shy though. The waitress nods and walks away.

"So, a cappuccino fan?" Jordan asks and I nod, blushing.

"Yeah, I prefer cappuccino over coffee."

Jordan grins. "That's cool." After that the conversation between us goes on fluently. We get to know each other and two hours pass by quickly.

"Do you need a ride home?" Jordan asks as we pay for our drinks. I told him that I don't live here, on the campus. He doesn't either. But while I live with my parents, he lives on his own. I wish I could too. My parents are too overprotective to let me though.

I smile and shake my head. "No, thank you. A friend is picking me up in an hour."

"You still have an hour to spare?"

I nod and he grins. "Good then. We can walk around the campus a bit then. I'll keep you company."

"There's no need, really..." I trail, feeling my cheeks star to redden.

He just chuckles and takes my hand. It feels weird, holding hands with someone.

"Oh, come on... Why should we end this great date if we still have time to spare?"

"Okay, I guess you're right."

"Good," Jordan smiles and we exit the café.

We just walk around the campus for a few minutes, in silence. A nice, comfortable silence. But there is still a small part of me that is doubting this. I can't just turn off who I am and pretend that everything is fine.

This date is way too nice to be real. I wonder when something will go wrong.

"So have you ever been in a relationship before?" Jordan asks and I shake my head. "No? You're a really nice person. I find it hard to believe that you've never been dating anyone."

"I guess I'm just not interesting enough for others," I mumble and he squeezes my hand.

"Well, you're interesting enough to me. That's why I'd like us to go on a date again," Jordan says and I almost choke up. He wants to see me again? Really?

"Um..." I look at him and his green eyes are telling me that he is serious. "Okay."

"Okay?" he asks again and I nod, a small smile playing on my lips.

Jordan grins and suddenly presses his lips against mine. It surprises me. Just like holding hands, this is a first for me.

His lips are chapped and firm. I timidly return the kiss and I can feel him smile through the kiss. I'm sure that my face is all red at the moment. Slowly I step back and look down, embarrassed.

Jordan just chuckles and pulls me into a hug. "I really had a great time today. I'll call you so we can arrange another date."

"Okay," I reply with a shaky voice and he pecks me again.

"I have to go now. Bye," he waves and leaves the campus. For a few seconds, I just stand there and watch him leave. But then a car stops in front of me and Kaitlyn's face appears. And that's the start of my first relationship.


	4. 4

  _"Everybody's gonna love today,_  
 _Gonna love today, gonna love today._  
 _Everybody's gonna love today, gonna love today._  
 _Anyway you want to, anyway you've got to,_  
 _Love love me, love love me, love love. "_

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"That was amazing!" I scream and hug Kaitlyn tightly. She chuckles and pats my back.

"Yeah, I enjoyed this."

I glare at her but still continue to smile. "Just enjoyed?" I ask, teasing.

"You know I'm not a fan of his. I had a great time but it was probably even better for you."

I nod, humming the melody of _Love Today_. Kat giggles and kisses my cheek.

"I haven't seen you this happy before," she mentions.

"I haven't felt this happy before this," I reply grinning cheerfully.

The concert was amazing. The whole atmosphere was thrilling. And him. Mika and his amazing voice. When he sang and his voice enveloped me, it felt like he was singing just for me. Every fan probably felt the same way.

But for me it has been a one-of-a-kind experience. Truly magical.

"I'm glad you liked this so much," Kaitlyn grins as we start walking to the parking lot.

"Not just liked. I loved this!"

Kat laughs and unlocks her car. We get in and she drives us home. Well, she drives herself home. I'm spending the night at Jordan's flat. We've been going steady for two months now. It's pretty amazing. I like him a lot.

I wouldn't say I love him, not yet. But it's different now. I'm more confident in myself and it's easier to live. My parents have no idea that I'm dating Jordan.

They think that I'm spending the nights at Kat's and that we're studying for the exam. You would think that a 21-year old is capable of living by himself. My parents however think differently. There's no way I am capable of owning my own apartment or paying my own bills. I told them once, that I want to find myself a job. They just shook their heads and prevented me from doing so. They wouldn't trust me to live independently any time soon.

"We're here, Ivory." I look up and see Jordan's place. My stomach clenches at the sight. Something tells me it's going to be a different sleepover tonight. My gut is rarely wrong.

"Thanks," I force a smile.

"Anytime," Kat grins but I can see that she feels it too. She can probably sense that I'm not okay. Kat is like that. She knows me like the back of her hand.

"Everything is going to be okay. I'll pick you up in the morning."

"Thanks again. I had a great time," I say a bit more cheerfully. It's probably nothing, this whole thing. She smiles and drives off. I look up at the building in front of me and sigh.

Knocking on the door, I fidget with my shirt nervously. I don't know why I'm nervous. I have slept over at his place before.

The door opens and Jordan appears, smiling. "Hi," he says and pecks my lips.

"Hey," I greet as I blush. It still manages to surprise me, whenever he kisses me. Jordan lets me in and after I take a shower, we settle down on his bed.

"So, how was the concert?"

"Awesome!" I exclaim with a huge grin on my face. He smiles but as I start explaining about everything his smile fades away.

"Kat is really an amazing person for doing this," I finish and look at him adoringly. He is frowning now. His reddish hair is falling over his eyes and he is gripping my hand a bit too tightly.

"Is everything alright, Jordan?" I ask, a slight concern spreading my face. Jordan doesn't say anything but just looks at me and kisses me hard. The kiss isn't like our usual kisses. It's uncomfortable and when I try to pull away, he just grips me even tighter. I start to panic. He has never been so rough with me. I wonder what upset him.

His left hand travels under my shirt. We haven't gone so far yet. I push his hand away but he is persistent.

"Please stop," I beg as I manage to pull away from our kiss. But he doesn't. Jordan doesn't stop.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Ivory, your father and I need to talk to you," my mother's voice rings through my phone. I sigh and look at Jordan who is engrossed in his TV show.

"I'm busy. I can't come home today. You know I'm staying at Kaitlyn's place."

"This is exactly what we need to talk about. I'm expecting you at home in an hour. If you don't come, I'm calling the police," mother threatens. It's an empty threat. The police can't really do anything about it. After all, I'm an adult.

"If this is about Kat, then I can assure you that we're not dating."

My mother sighs on the other side of the phone. "Just come home in an hour." With those words she hangs up and I know I have no other choice but to go.

"Jordan, I am having dinner with my parents today."

Jordan looks at me with a frown. "I told you I don't like you leaving this flat." I can sense annoyance in his tone.

"I know..." I mutter with a soft voice. I have to be careful around him these days. He gets upset rather easily. I try to avoid situations like this. I prefer to keep my bones and muscles intact, not broken.

"Don't go then. We both wouldn't like to see you bedridden for another few days." Jordan says that quite calmly but with an evident threat in it.

"I have to. It's better if I actually show up for an hour or two. Just so they know I'm alive and okay. That way they won't suspect anything," I try to explain.

Suddenly Jordan is standing in front of me. He pushes me against the wall and grips my neck. Slowly but carefully he is applying pressure to his grip. My eyes start to brim with tears.

"You're actually saying that they are doubtful about your health? What could have happened to you?"

 _You. You happened_ , I want to say. "Okay, I'm not going." I reply instead. He smiles and kisses me roughly then. His grip loosens and just like that he goes back to watching TV.

I hold back my tears and justreturn back to preparing dinner for him. Whathave I got myself into? 

 


	5. 5

  
" _Over my shoulder, running away,_  
 _Feels like I'm falling, losing my way"_

~~~~~~~

Five months. That's how long I've been locked up in this apartment for. Jordan has only let me out for my classes. He doesn't want to raise any suspicion. I am also allowed to call my parents and Kat. Another precaution Jordan is willing to take. For the first few weeks my parents were doubtful but eventually they realized I'm old enough to live on my own, so they left it behind. I wish they didn't. For the first time in my life, I wish they would've continued with their overprotective measures and what not. I wanted them to worry and find me. Rescue me.

I'm getting more and more afraid of him. Even the thing that calms me is forbidden in this apartment. I haven't been allowed to listen to Mika's music for four months. This whole thing is killing me. I hate Kat for getting me into this. I made a huge mistake when I agreed with her to the blind date.

"Ivory, come here!" Jordan calls from his bedroom. It's nine in the evening and I know what he wants. He comes home from the university before me and takes a nap until eight p.m. By that time, I have to prepare him dinner. After dinner he takes a bath. Sometimes I have to help him there too. I feel like a slave. I cook and clean.

And beside all that, I have to serve his sexual needs too. I feel disgusting doing sexual favours for him. I'm disgusted with myself because I don't do anything against his behaviour. It's hard. Hard to escape from someone that scared you. He has threatened me. He threatened my life. I tried to escape a few times. Instead of going to class, I tried to return to my parents' house. But he caught me every time. He seems to know my every move. And I think he installed a tracking app on my phone and that's why he doesn't let me out of this apartment without a phone.

"Ivory!" I look at the bedroom door and swallow. Then I quickly glance at the front door. Sighing, I walk into the bedroom. Out of nowhere his hand comes into my view. He slaps me hard. I bite my tongue and try to keep myself quiet. If I start groaning in pain and cry, he hates it. And that makes it worse. The beatings grow brutal by the day. But he rarely strikes my face, because he knows someone could be suspicious if they saw my bruises. So my stomach is the most bruised. If something really pisses him off, then he takes out his belt and my back takes its toll.

"You hesitated when I called you," he says coldly.

"I'm sorry. I was still washing the dishes after dinner," I try lying.

"Don't lie!" He strikes again. I whimper in pain and he glares at me. I'm sick and tired of this behaviour and his treatment. I need to get out of here. Out of his grip.

He then punches me in the stomach and I double over.

"Why are you doing this?" I ask with a weak voice.

"How many times have you asked me this?"

"A lot," I mumble with a near whisper.

"And how many times have I told you the reason?" He snarls and I flinch.

"Not once," I reply, my voice on the verge of breaking and my eyes tearing up. He nods and swings again. Then he drags me to bed and finishes what he started.

~~~~

The alarm clock says it's a few minutes past eleven. Jordan is sleeping next to me. I can't sleep. Tonight it's been even worse than usual. Every part of my body hurts. I'm trying to fall asleep but my mind wouldn't rest.

Looking through the window, I wonder if I can escape tonight. Maybe if I sneak out of the bedroom without waking Jordan. He does seem to be sleeping quite deeply.

I gulp and glance over at Jordan. Slowly getting out of bed without making a sound, I exit the bedroom. I quietly close the door and search for my shoes. He always hides them when I come home, and today is no different. _Great_.

I guess I'll just go barefoot. Unlocking the front door, I glance over my shoulder to see if everything is fine. Everything is quiet. But the second I close the door behind me, I hear a crash coming from inside the apartment. _Shįt_.

My body suddenly turns on autopilot as the fear seeps inside me. I start running. I can hear Jordan's angry calls behind me but I run. As I turn around the corner of the street, I see a silhouette with two dogs besides it. They're not far. Just across the street where the small park is. I don't know what kind of person walks their dogs in the middle of the night. But I'm glad they do, because this might just save me.

I look over my shoulder again and I can see Jordan coming closer. Darting across the street, I run towards the person.

"Help, please!" I call out to him. The closer I am; the more familiar the silhouette becomes. The street lights aren't powerful enough so I can't recognize the face. But it's obvious that the person is a tall male. He is turned to me now. The dogs are also paying attention.

As I turn my head to look at Jordan who is only a few steps behind, I lose my footing and tumble on the floor. From behind me, Jordan lifts me up by grabbing my hair.

"Please, don't," I beg him as I can feel his breathe against my neck. The man and his dogs are coming closer.

"What's going on here?" the man asks. I know that voice. I could distinguish that voice anywhere at any time.

"Nothing," Jordan says monotonously.

"It doesn't look like nothing," the man says calmly. My breathing is shallow and rapid.

My eyes meet with his gorgeous brown eyes. He looks concerned. I hope he can help.

"We're just playing around a bit, aren't we Ivory?" Jordan asks with a gentle voice but I can sense the threat inside. I don't shift my sharp gaze from him.

"I'm calling the police if you don't let go," he threatens and pulls out his phone. One of the dogs' bark as Jordan tightens his grip on me. I whimper and suddenly Jordan lets me go. I lose my unsteady footing again and land on the floor once more. Jordan turns around and runs away. A weight lifts off my chest.

 _Finally_ , I'm finally free. The dogs approach me and the guy kneels in front of me.

"Are you okay?" he asks with a gentle voice as he helps me sit up.

"Yeah, I'm fine now." I force a smile, flinching with pain at the many bruises I now have.

He smiles lightly and nods. "Good. You should go to the hospital to check these bruises."

Shaking my head, I put my head between my knees. "No hospitals. I can't risk anyone seeing me like this."

"Okay, how about I take you to my hotel room for the night? You can rest there," He offers and I nearly choke. He is actually saying that? I look at him and I can see sincerity in his eyes.

"I'd be very thankful if I can stay the night."

He smiles and offers me his hand. It's weird. Holding his hand feels different than holding Jordan's.

"I'm Mika," he says as I stand up. I look at him and return the smile.

"I know. I'm Ivory, it's nice to meet you."


	6. 6

 " _Porcelain_  
 _It's the state that I'm in_  
 _Hold me carefully_  
 _Just one breath could shatter me"_

~~~~~~  
"Who was that man?" Mika asks while he takes care of the wounds and bruises on my stomach and face. It's strange, sitting in front of him. His hands are gently cleaning the wounds and my face is in a constant flush of scarlet as I nervously smile and bite my lip. I never thought that I'd meet him in person. And now I'm here. Mika is the one who is taking care of me after the incident with Jordan.

"That was Jordan," I reply shyly. I'm not sure how I should act in front of him. I've been his fan for a few years now and my insides are screaming with joy as I'm so close to him. But on the outside, I have to keep it cool. Who knows how he'd react if I go all crazy because I've just met him.

"And how did you get in trouble with a man like Jordan?" Our eyes meet for a second but then he focuses on the bruises again.

"He is my boyfriend." I know he won't judge. He understands my situation.

Mika raises his eyebrow and I start explaining about how we met and how the relationship turned out to be so violent.

"So you haven't seen your family in over four months?"

"Yeah, he was basically holding me hostage."

"That's terrible," he replies gently with deep concern in his eyes, and lowers my bloodied shirt over my stomach.

"Thank you," I say as I look at his serious face. He smiles an amiable smile and stands up.

"You can take a shower now, and I'll lend you some clothes."

I nod and stand up. He led me to bathroom and handed me the clothes. After the shower I put on his clothes and am enveloped in his smell. It's nice. The clothes are slightly too big since he's really tall.

"You can stay here for the night. I don't mind." Mika appears at the door of the bathroom. Good thing I'm dressed already.

"Yeah, thank you." I smile timidly.

Mika smiles. "No problem. I hope Jordan doesn't come after you."

"I hope so too," I reply.

"Well, it's already past midnight. I don't know about you but I'm getting tired," Mika states.

I am tired. The adrenaline from the previous event is wearing off and my body is slowly shutting down. I haven't slept well in a while, either. "Yeah, I'm beat."

Mika nods. "Considering that I haven't planned on having any guests over, I only have one bed. You can sleep there."

Shaking my head, I step towards the sofa. "I'll sleep here."

Just as he opens his mouth to argue, I continue. "Besides, compared to you, I'm a midget so sleeping on this sofa won't be a problem for me."

He sighs and I thought I sensed him suppress a slight smile but he turns towards the bedroom before I notice. "Okay, I see your point. Good night."

"Good night." He disappears from my sight and I lower myself on the sofa. The blanket is already spread over the small, beige sofa. I lay down and close my eyes. My body is too tired to move any more than necessary. But my mind is wide awake. It's processing today's events. Especially the coincidence of meeting Michael Holbrook Penniman Jr. in the middle of the night.

~~~~~~~

Waking up on the hard floor, just seconds after falling from the sofa, isn't pleasant.

"Ouch," I mutter to myself as I stand up from the floor. I stretch my sore body and look around. I'm not at Jordan's place. It takes a few seconds until I realise I'm in a hotel suite. _Mika's_ hotel suite. The place is quiet so I'm guessing that he is still asleep.

I trudge to the small kitchen, where I pour myself a glass of water. My stomach rumbles. I open the fridge and look inside. There isn't much food. Probably because Mika isn't staying here for long. He had a concert in this town months ago and I didn't know he would be here around this time, either.

Taking out a couple of eggs, I turn on the stove and start preparing them. Minutes later a sleepy Mika emerges from the bedroom. His bed hair is all messy and cute. Well his hair is usually a curly mess.

"Good morning," I greet cheerfully and he visibly winces. I chuckle quietly and continue preparing the eggs.

"Morning," he mutters and sits down on the table next to the counters. He has a raspy morning voice which is incredibly sexy too. He lays his head on the table, closes his eyes and groans.

"Tough night?" I ask as Melachi and Amira pad towards their owner and start licking his hand that is hanging down from the table. The sight is quite amusing.

Mika swats his hand and mutters something under his breath. I guess that taking care of me last night didn't help with his long night. I put a plate of eggs in front of his head and sit down across him. The dogs quickly turn their attention towards the smell of eggs. He lifts his head, looks at the plate and gives me a tired smile.

"Thanks. I'm starving."

"The least I can do for someone who rescued me," I mutter and eat the eggs.

Mika looks at me and nods. "How are you feeling anyway?"

"Sore," I reply. He mumbles something quietly and then looks at the dogs.

"I can take them for a walk, if you want. That way you can get ready without rushing."

"Could you, really?"

Nodding, I confirm my previous statement. "And after I bring them back to you, I'll head home to my parents."

"Thank you," he sighs in relief. Days on the tour must really be exhausting for him. His brown eyes then shift to mine. "You can stay here for another day. I have a flight in the evening but the room is paid for until tomorrow afternoon."

I shake my head and look away from him. "I haven't seen my parents in a while. It would be better if I go back home as soon as possible."

"Okay, as you wish. Just be careful and avoid situations that involve Jordan."

"Don't worry, I doubt he'll approach me now, especially after you witnessed how he handles me."

"Just be careful, okay?" he says and there is deep concern evident in his voice.

"Okay," I smile and finish my eggs. After washing the dishes, I take out his dogs. I always wanted a dog. Maybe not the breed that these two are, but I did. And my parents never allowed me to have any distractions from school so a dog wasn't an option.

As I once again enter his hotel suite, I hear a shower running and sigh in slight disappointment. I hoped to say goodbye to him before leaving, but I won't disturb him. He is after all a busy man and having someone like me bother him, probably isn't what he wants. I let the dogs in and on the kitchen table, there's a piece of paper with a number on. One glance at the number and I remember it. After all, I have a photographic memory. On the other side of the paper, I write a thank you and a goodbye note. The shower turns off in the bathroom but before Mika exits it, I'm already gone.

 


	7. 7

" _Sweet dreams are made of this_  
 _Who am I to disagree?_  
 _I travel the world_  
 _And the seven seas_  
 _Everybody's looking for something"_

~~~~~~  
"Why didn't you tell me about Jordan, earlier?" Kat demands. We're in my room, on my large bed. I'm so glad to be home, and I never thought that I'll actually say that at some point.   
I've been back at my parents' place for two days now and to my surprise they didn't ask any questions about my return.

"I was constantly watched when I talked on the phone and we couldn't exactly discuss this in class. Besides, I was afraid," I explain and Kaitlyn pats my shoulder.

"I understand. And I'm so sorry for pushing you into this dating thing. Just because it turned out well with me, doesn't mean it turns out well for everyone else."

"It's okay, Kat. I don't blame you," I reassure her and she sighs.   
"I'm sorry anyway." I pull her closer and hug her.

"I've escaped Jordan. All I need now, is my best friend."  
"And you have me," Kat smiles and hugs me back.

"Thanks," I mutter and she grins.   
"Now, tell me who the man that rescued you was," she says giddily and I blush.

"You won't believe me, if I tell you."  
"Try me," she says and I start telling her what happened after I escaped. By the time I end my story, her jaw is almost touching the floor and her eyes are wide open. Her eyes look like they will jump out of the sockets anytime now.

I laugh at her and she punches my shoulder gently. "You've met your biggest idol?!" She exclaims in disbelief and I nod.

"That's awesome! How is he?"   
"He's even better than I imagined. He really took care of me even though he had a rough day."

"That's really cool. You're lucky," Kaitlyn chuckles and I nod.   
"Yeah, I'm lucky that I escaped and met Mika."

Kaitlyn nods and lays down on the bed. I follow her and lay down too. We stay in that position for a few minutes.

"Is there any way to get in contact with him again?" Kat asks and my mind tumbles through all the phone numbers I've ever seen until I find the one, written on a piece of paper.   
"He left me a number. But I'm not sure if it's his," I reply quietly.

"Have you tried to call on the number?"   
I shake my head and look at the phone on my nightstand. I just got a new one, since Jordan crashed my old one. It's one of those new iPhones that I've never cared too much about. Kat picked it for me.

"Why not?" she continues and I just shrug. "Oh, come on. Aren't you at least a bit interested if the number is really his?"

"I am, but I don't want to bother him. He just had a concert in London yesterday. Mika doesn't have time for a fan like me," I explain and Kat snorts. I look at her and raise my eyebrow in question.

"He must've given you the number for a reason. Besides, you're not just a fan. He saved your life, and honestly, you kind of owe him."

"I know that I owe him. But he is a celebrity, so a regular person like I am can hardly do anything."

"You're not just a regular person. Your parents own most of the Paris," Kaitlyn exaggerates.

"They do not," I deny it, and I know I'm right. Sure, my parents are wealthy, but they do not own most of the city. Kaitlyn just glares at me and reaches over me to get my phone. She constantly plays games on it. I don't see the appeal in most of them.

"So what's the number, he left you?"   
I tell her the number absentmindedly and continue to stare at the ceiling. I don't realise what's going on until I hear Mika's voice carries through the room. My head snaps towards Kat who is holding my phone and smiling. My eyes widen when she hands me the phone and I see that she called the number.

"Hello?" the voice I know too well, says again. I turn off the speaker and put the phone against my ear.

"Hi... it's Ivory," I stumble on the words and feel myself blushing under Kaitlyn's stare.

"Oh, Ivory! Hi! I thought you didn't have my number since you left the paper on the table that day," Mika explains and I chuckle awkwardly.

"Uh, yeah. I remembered it."   
Mika laughs on the other side of the phone. "Good. So how are you feeling?"

"I'm fine, thanks." I feel awkward. This whole conversation is awkward. And the fact that Kat is staring at me with a crazy grin, isn't helping.

"That's good to hear. Jordan hasn't bothered you, right?" He continues asking.

"No, everything is quiet," I mumble and there's a sound of approval from his side.

"Listen, Ivory. I have somewhere to be right now, so I should hang up. This is your phone number, right? I'll contact you later and we'll talk," Mika rushes and I feel bad for disturbing him at this time.

"Yeah, it's okay. I'm sorry to bother," I apologize and he chuckles.   
"Don't worry about it. You aren't bothering; it just isn't the right time," he explains and we say goodbyes to each other.

After he hangs up I turn to Kat and glare at her. "Why did you do this?"

She gives me a smile and tries to look innocent. It isn't working. "I'm sorry, but I had a feeling that he wanted you to call him, since he gave you the number."

"Yeah, well he was busy and I interrupted him. Now I feel like crap about it."

"Oh... was he upset that you called?"  
"No, not really."

Kaitlyn laughs and bumps my shoulder with hers. "See? He didn't mind that you called. He was busy but you shouldn't feel bad."

"Whatever," I mumble and lay back on the bed. I'm kind of glad that she dialled his number, but nonetheless the conversation could've been better. I look up at the ceiling, which is covered with those stars that glow in the dark. My grandmother put them there when I was a child and I've never bothered to remove them. She always told me to pursue my dreams and that the stars will lead me to where I want to be.

But just like my dreams and wishes, the glowing stars on the ceiling had slowly faded away. And now when I look up in the middle of the night, there is a mere flicker of two or three stars. Just like my dreams, they are still fighting to exist. But at some point they'll fade too. And I'll follow suit. 

 


	8. 8

 " _Oh, oh, oh - Is there anybody home?_  
 _Who will believe me, won't deceive me, who'll try to teach me?_  
 _Ah, ah, ah - Is there anybody home?_  
 _Who wants to have me, just to love me?_  
 _Stuck in the middle."_

~~~~

The classes start again the day after I tell Kaitlyn about Jordan. Before that, we had a short two-week holiday. I decide not to go to class that day. Not because of the bruises still visible on my face. Not out of fear for Jordan.

I simply have no energy to deal with stuff I don't care about. Instead of attending classes, I stay at the kitchen with our chef throughout the whole week. Once or twice my mother enters the kitchen to grab a snack in between her work. She doesn't acknowledge me.

It's been like this since I came back home. My parents don't talk to me. I think they found out about my relationship with Jordan. They didn't ask anything when I came back. Not a question about why I'm back or about the bruises on my face. When I appeared at the doorstep of my home, they first wore a surprised look on their faces but soon their expression changed into that of pure disgust. I don't know how they figured it out. And I don't care. As long as they don't try to change me, again.

I kind of like the silent treatment. I feel like I have more freedom in my home and my actions aren't criticized at every step. That's why I'm thinking of dropping out of college. I talked to Kaitlyn about it and she agrees. I need to do what I love to do. Not force myself into something I can barely stomach. I plan on helping our chef and learn more about cuisine. Kat and our chef – Louisa – think it's time for me to make my dreams come true. Louisa is very supportive and I learn a lot from her.

When I'm in the kitchen, between all those smells, coming from the different kinds of pots, I am a completely different person. I'm focused only on cooking and learning new techniques. I want to listen to Mika's music while cooking but Louisa doesn't allow it. She thinks I won't be as focused as I am without music. But one day I'll prove her wrong. His music will only help me focus even more.

I'm chopping up some carrots as Louisa asked me to, when Overrated suddenly starts playing in my pocket. Louisa glares at me but I pull out my phone and see that someone is calling me. It's an unsaved number but I know who is calling. My stomach fills with butterflies.

'Stupid', I say to myself and answer the phone.

"Hi. This is Ivory speaking," I start.

"Hey, it's Mika," the voice on the other side says and I smile slightly.

"I figured as much when I saw your number," I reply as I dry my hands with the kitchen towel.

Mika chuckles. "Am I interrupting something?"

I look at Louisa and she gives me a slight nod. I exit the kitchen. "No, I'm free at the moment."

"Oh, I thought I heard something in the background."

"Don't worry about it. I was just helping our chef in the kitchen," I explain and sit down on the stairs.

"You have a chef?" He asks and sounds slightly surprised.

"Yes," I chuckle. "My parents are quite rich and too busy to cook on their own."

"Ah, I see. Anyway, I'm sorry for calling after a week but I've been terribly busy."

"I know, the Heaven tour. It must be tiring," I ramble and I hear him laugh. His laugh is so infectious, it's hard not to laugh along.

"So, you keep track of my events?" He asks amused and I nod.

"Yeah."

"Are you a fan?" Mika asks, teasing a bit.

I blush. I'm so glad that we're talking on the phone. That way he can't see my reaction.

"A bit," I mutter, not telling the whole truth. He laughs again and I can't help but join him.

"That's interesting. Well, I'm in Paris for the next three days and I'd like to see you again," he starts and I almost choke up. The fact that he called was already surprising, and now he wants us to meet again?

"Um, sure. I'm free all the time." My voice is slightly higher than usual and I hope he doesn't notice it.

"Great, what time and where?" he asks and we agree on meeting tomorrow at the café, near his hotel.

I hang up and return back to the kitchen. Louisa looks at me with a gentle smile. Without saying anything, I return to chopping the carrots. I lose myself in cooking. I don't think about Mika whilst cooking. Forgetting about everything in the world, outside this kitchen, I follow the instructions Louisa gives me.

Three hours pass in an instant and it's time for dinner. You must think that it takes a long time to make dinner. But it's not simple, when you have to make a five-course dinner for an important ambassador and my parents. They have some special guests coming over tonight and I have to be present. I don't exactly know who's coming, but apparently they're important enough for me to wear something fancy.

I hate these kinds of dinners. Pretending to be someone I'm not isn't my ideal way to spend the evening.

I'm already seated at the table. My father always sits at the head of the table and my mother on the right side of him. Usually I sit at the end of the dining table. But whenever we have business dinners, I sit next to my mother.

The table is made out of dark mahogany wood. This is the darkest piece of furniture in our house. Everything else is light, mostly beige and white. Well, my room is an exception. I love this table though. I remember that always, after dinner I drew here. My childhood wasn't that terrible. Around that time, my mother still paid attention to me. She used to be a loving mother actually.

Minutes later, the room fills with faces that are familiar yet distant. They are all business associates of my parents. My parents want them to be mine too, but I have other plans, and hopefully with some help of Louise and Kaitlyn they'll come true.

I greet all the guests and we all sit down at the table. Louise and two other girls, who are maids around this house, bring us food. Louise gives me an encouraging smile and makes me feel better. I remember the conversation I had with Mika this afternoon, and start feeling giddy again. I hope this dinner ends soon.

"So, Ivory. How's university life treating you?" One of the men present asks. I turn my attention to him and smile politely.

"I'm actually thinking of dropping out," I reply calmly and through the corner of my eye I observe my mother with a look of uttermost shock.

"Really? Why is that?" He asks in a fluent French. I'm not French unlike my father. I was born in Orlando and my mother is also American. I prefer English but living in Paris prevents you from talking English daily.

"I realised that business like this isn't what I want. I'm thinking of becoming a chef," I explain, trying to stifle a laugh. My parents look appalled. Especially since I'm talking about my plans in front of all these people. But I'm not ashamed to admit I have dreams. And I know the man who asked about this. He supports his children and that's why I trust him.

"That's an interesting choice of career," he replies and nods to my parents. "Do your parents agree with this?"

"Not really. But I think that I'm old enough to make my own decisions," I state firmly and he laughs jovially.

"Well, I like you Ivory and I'm sure you'll be a great chef. I'll be your first guest if you ever open a restaurant," he says and shakes my hand.

 


	9. 9

  
 " _Cos it's all in the hands of a bitter, bitter man_  
 _Say goodbye to the world you thought you lived in_  
 _Take a bow, play the part of a lonely lonely heart_  
 _Say goodbye to the world you thought you lived in_  
 _To the world you thought you lived in"_

~~~~~

Jordan was arrested. It happened three weeks after that business dinner and my meeting with Mika. I don't know how the police found out about Jordan's violence. Apparently he found himself a new victim. A girl, only sixteen years old. She was admitted to a hospital the day the police arrested him. She wasn't as fortunate as I was, to have escaped. But nevertheless she was rescued and survived.

She is tarnished though. Broken. Just like me. I have Kaitlyn to help me heal, though. To help me forget those horrible nights, full of abuse and unheard longing for help. But that girl... She lost all of her friends, because they think she wanted this. They're too ignorant to realise that he lures you in and shows his true colours when it's already too late.

When I told Mika about it, he sounded relieved. I was happy to hear that Jordan is behind bars too, but I don't want him to tell anyone about the incident. I'd rather see to it that people don't hear about my misfortune. It's enough that Kat and Mika know about it.

But I feel bad for that girl and that's why I visited her in the hospital. Now, there are three persons who know about it. I told her that she isn't the only one who suffered from Jordan's torments. I think it helps her cope, knowing that she isn't alone in this situation.

It's been a month since Jordan last saw the sky. And today is his trial. I am not participating in it. Jordan hasn't told them about me. Yet. I'm scared. He may tell them today, in front of everyone in that room. That girl promised not to mention me today, and I believe she won't. I count on Jordan's desire for freedom, too. If they think that the girl is his only victim, then his sentence might not be as long as it would be if they know about me.

It may sound selfish, because that would also mean that he gets out earlier and continues with this abuse. The whole situation has holes and there is always something that can go wrong.

Anyway, Kat has arranged something for us to do today. To keep my mind off of it, she says. I don't know what it is. A surprise as she likes to call it. She's picking me up in a few minutes. Honestly, I don't know what to expect.

I look at my phone and a picture of Mika greets me. His pictures are always set as the wallpaper for my phone. But this picture is slightly more special. It was taken on the day after the dinner. I was feeling really bad because hours before, my parents shouted profanities at me. They were really displeased with my behaviour at the dinner and they forbid me to drop out of university. I didn't listen to them and dropped out a day after that. They threw me out of the house and now I live with Kat. Anyway, Mika made some very silly faces that day, and it made me feel better. He really helps you overcome your problems.

I snapped a few pictures of him that day. With his permission of course. I would feel weirded out if I hadn't had his permission. And now one of those pictures serve as my phone's background. I always chuckle when I see it.

A beeping sound comes from outside of Kat's house and I look out the window to see Kaitlyn waving frantically from her car. She has just come back from the store where she picked some stuff for today's activities. I get up and walk out of the house, locking it. The small, one-story house with an old, already chipping grey façade belonged to her parents. They passed away two years ago in a car crash. Now she owns it but plans on selling it.

Kat wants to move into the city. The house is in the suburbs of Paris and it takes her a while to drive herself to the college she attends. I don't mind living here though. It's more peaceful than the city. It's her house though, so I have no say in it.

"Are you ready?" Kat asks as I sit on the passenger's seat.

"Ready for what?"

She just grins. "I'm not telling you what my plans are." She drives off, towards the city. We arrive to our usual hang-out place outside school's campus. It's a small diner, a few minutes' walk from the city centre. It's quite private and secluded. The food is delicious but they don't have that many guests.

We enter the diner and sit down at our usual place, in the corner. The waitress comes and we order the food. It's only nine in the morning, so I order some pancakes and a chocolate cappuccino. Kat laughs at my order. She thinks I'm too predictable sometimes.

"I'll be right back," Kaitlyn says as she looks out of the window. I have my back turned towards the window, so I don't bother checking what she sees. She disappears for a few minutes but returns just as our food arrives.

"Where did you go?" I ask.

"I thought I saw someone familiar," she answers shrugging. I nod and stuff a piece of my pancake into my mouth. She then starts explaining what's going on in class. Even though I don't attend those classes anymore, Kaitlyn talks about it. That's the routine we go through. And it's going to be hard to break it. Kaitlyn is used to chatting about classes with me and I don't have the heart to tell her I'm not interested in all this.

I'm so engrossed in cutting and eating those pancakes that I shut her rambling out along with the rest of the world around me. There are only pancakes and my cappuccino that interest me, at the moment.

Suddenly my pancakes disappear from my sight and darkness surrounds me. There are hands covering my eyes. Unknown hands. My body tenses. The hands are cold. I shiver. It can't be Jordan, right? He's in jail.

I reach for those hands and try to remove them. My body is trembling. The hands move away from my face willingly. A warm breath fans my neck. Someone's lips are against my right ear. Kat is looking at me with an amused and yet proud smile on her face. But her eyes show concern. My face must show my fear.

"Boo," rings in my ears. I flinch and then relax. I recognise the voice.

"You scared me," I mutter, ashamed of my irrational fear.

"Sorry, I wasn't thinking." He finally appears in my sight. As handsome as ever.

I smile and nod. "It's okay. I shouldn't be so scared."

"It's okay to be cautious," Kaitlyn replies and shifts closer to the wall so Mika has space to sit beside her. He nods in agreement and I sigh.

"What are you doing here? I thought you were in Italy?"

Mika shrugs and smiles. "Kaitlyn called and asked me to come. She thinks I can take your mind off from Jordan's trial."

"She's right, as usual." We all laugh and Mika reaches over to my beloved cappuccino. My hand instinctively reaches out to protect it. Mika chuckles and lifts his hands in the air, surrendering himself. I push my cappuccino towards him, letting him have it.

"Thanks," Mika grins and takes a sip. "So, how are you holding up?"

"I'm fine. How's the touring?"

Mika shrugs. "Exhausting but fun. I wish I could spend a bit more time here and hang out with you, though."

I blush and look at my empty plate. "I'm sure you have more fun out there, than here with me. I know I would," I reply.

"You would have more fun without me?" Mika asks, feigning hurt.

I laugh and shake my head. "No, I meant myself. Believe me, the world would be better off without me in it." I turn serious. Things like that are common for me to say. I've never been afraid to admit that I have suicidal thoughts. They follow me every day, every hour, minute, each second I live. When I take a breath in, I think how much more oxygen there would be if I haven't used it. When I exhale, I think how much less CO2 the air would contain, without me here. I sit here, now and exist, while I shouldn't.


	10. 10

" _I wish I could tell you that_  
 _If it was me, I would be a good wife._  
 _I would never doubt you_  
 _Ours would be a good life._  
 _And we could be better than so many_  
 _I would never stress you_  
 _About bringing home the plenty"_

~~~~

"I'm sleeping on the couch! You're too tall for it," I argue with Mika. We've been having this argument for a few minutes now.

"Haven't we done this before? Argue about our sleeping arrangements?" Mika asks, sounding tired. I feel bad for keeping him awake but he needs the bed to rest, not the couch.

"Yeah, and we came to the conclusion that you sleeping on the bed and me on the couch is the best idea," I say, recalling the faithful night when I met him. And now we're here again.

Kaitlyn just sold the house and moved in with her boyfriend, into the city. She didn't give me much time to find myself an apartment. With my scarce savings from my summer job at my father's company, I can barely pay rent for most of the apartments in this city.

Ever since I decided to follow my dreams, my parents cut me off the family money. I have no access to any bank account I used to have, just the one with my savings.

So now I'm saying with Mika in his hotel room. Kat fortunately chose to move today, on the day when Mika is in Paris for the concert.

"You should've called me sooner so I could book a suit with another bedroom," he says, running his hands through his curls. He seems agitated and it's all my fault.

"I'm sorry," I mumble, stepping closer to him.

He sighs and looks at me with those tired, brown eyes. "It's fine. I've had a stressful day and I'm barely able to stand."

"So go to bed." I retort, a small grin playing on my face. He really can be so silly at times. Silly and terribly sweet.

"I don't want you to sleep on that couch," he mumbles and I chuckle.

"I'm imposing so I'll handle the couch."

"No, the bed is big enough for both of us. You can sleep with me," he says sternly and my insides twist. Is he really saying, what I think he's saying?

"Really?" I ask, trying to contain myself. Honestly, I hate that uncomfortable couch and I'd be glad to sleep on the bed. But I don't think my heart could take it any further if I slept inches away from my biggest crush.

"Sure," he says and gives me a sleepy smile. He looks handsome but tired.

I blush and fumble with the hem of my shirt. "Okay, I guess that could work."

~~~~

I'm lying on the edge of the cliff. Someone is pinning me down. I can't fight that person. It's like my body is paralyzed but my mind is trying to fight it.

Suddenly I wake up from my dream. I wake just in time to steady myself on the bed. I almost fell down from the bed. I look over my shoulder and see Mika sprawled over the whole king-sized bed. One of his long legs is pressing against my lower back. That's why I'm at the edge of the bed.

You would think that the bed is big enough for both to sleep comfortably at their own side. But that is not how Mika sleeps. He takes over the whole bed leaving the person sleeping next to him, destined to fall off the bed.

I climb out of bed and leave the bedroom. He continues sleeping peacefully. After going through my usual morning routine, I prepare breakfast for Mika and myself. Just like the last time, the smell of food lures him out of bed. But today he looks well rested. The sight of him puts a smile on my face. He enters the kitchen whilst happily humming the melody of Good Wife.

"Good morning," I greet him and he grins at me.

"Morning. I see you're already pursuing your culinary career at eight in the morning," he states as he looks at the clock.

"If you want to succeed, you have to get up early. Staying in bed isn't a solution," I reply cheerfully, waving the spatula at him. Mika laughs and shakes his head.

"You're something else, Ivory."

"Of course I am," I grin and start singing Good Wife out loud. I can't sing to save my life so this sounds awful but Mika just laughs and sings along.

Mika prances around the kitchen and at some point, tries to eat a piece of bacon that is still cooking. I snap the spatula against his hand, teasingly.

"You're no fun," he pouts, adorably.

Chuckling, I put the bacon and eggs on two plates and hand one over to him.

"Now you can eat," I reply and he sticks his tongue out at me. I roll my eyes but continue to smile. He sometimes reminds me of Kat and her crazy antics.

"Thanks."

I smile and sit down next to him. We eat in silence. "How long are you staying in Paris this time?"

Mika looks at me and shrugs. "I have a few weeks off and I was actually thinking of going back to London."

"Oh..." I look down and shrug. It disappoints me a bit. We rarely get more than a day together and I try not to bother him over the phone too much, either.

He seems to notice my disappointment. "I have an idea."

"You do?" I ask skeptically. The last time I heard those words, I got involved with a rapist.

"Yeah. Why don't you come to London with me? You can live at my place and work as my cook. Even though I'll be free from touring, I'll be working. And I'd rather come home and have lunch prepared by you than having take-out."

I stare at him with my jaw hanging open. I never expected this. He is offering me a place to stay and a job?

"So, what do you say?" Mika asks and all I can do is nod. I'm too shocked to even say anything. "Great. I'm glad I'll be able to spend more time with you." He flashes me a smile.

I smile back and blush slightly. "Thank you!"

He chuckles and ruffles my hair. "You're welcome. Working for me will give you more chance to succeed after this job."

"Yeah, it means a lot. Thanks," I grin and hug him. He laughs and pats my back.

"I'm glad that you agree with my proposal."

"Believe me, any fan of yours would agree to this," I say in an obvious tone and he grins.

"Well, you're a lucky fan then." He muses.

"That I am," I reply, a huge smile tugging at the corners of my lips.

 


	11. 11

 " _Does it mean that I'm a regular man_  
 _Not as special as I think that I am_  
 _As for you, all that I want to know_  
 _Did you stay up as I tumbled so low?"_

~~~~  
London is different. The climate, the streets, the people. Everything is so distinct from Paris and unfamiliar. But at the same time I feel more at home than in Paris. It's interesting how someone's mind works. I wasn't happy with my life back in Paris. The only person I've been happy with is Kat; and later Mika.

But just like flicking the switch on and off, my mind turned off all those negative emotions and memories of Paris, the second I stepped onto England soil. The first few days, I felt like a naïve tourist but it quickly changed.

Mika's place is amazing. I have my very own room which is very bright and spacious. His whole apartment is bright, just like him. I'm honestly not used to it.

My first day in London was spent with Mika. He showed me parts of London that I'd never heard of and plenty more tourist attractions. We had lots of fun.

Mika has been busy even though he's on holidays. He spends most of the time in his studio. Mika comes home in the afternoon and I make dinner for him every single day. At first he insisted on paying me a pretty large sum of money but I refused. We agreed on a more reasonable payment.

We don't talk much except for during dinner and even then we discuss his career. I don't think he's getting any sleep. He looks more tired by the day. It shouldn't be this way. After all, he's on holidays. It pains me to see him like this.

I hear him walking around the apartment in the middle of the night. Sometimes he takes his dog out for a walk, just like that night in Paris when he saved me.

Talking to him about it only annoys him. The cheerful Mika disappeared two days after my arrival in London. He won't tell me what's bothering him. It's obvious that it isn't just work.

"I don't know what to do, Kat."

"You know I can't help you with this," Kaitlyn says on the other side of the phone.

"You usually give good advice," I state bluntly and she chuckles.

"Usually I do, but when it concerns your welfare. I don't know Mika like you do and that's why I can't help."

"I guess," I sigh and gaze at the river Thames in front of me. Melachi and Amira are wagging their tails next to me. London is great. I like going on longer walks with the dogs.

"I have to go now, Ivory. We'll Skype later, okay?"

"Okay, bye."

I hang up and look at the dogs next to me. Melachi looks at me and sticks her tongue out. I pat them on their heads and together we head back to the apartment.

As I enter the apartment, I hear voices coming from the living room. Confused, I release the dogs off their leashes and walk to the living room.

The TV is turned on and Mika is laying on the couch. His curls are covering his closed eyes and soft snores are escaping his mouth.

The sight is slightly amusing. He looks a lot more peaceful sleeping. I'm glad that he finally fell asleep. Amira pads into the room with a toy. She nudges Mika with her snout and puts the toy on his stomach. Luckily Mika continues sleeping.

"Come," I whisper to Amira. I turn the TV off and leave the living room. In the kitchen, I give food to the dogs and while they happily munch on their lunch, I prepare lunch for Mika and myself.

An hour later the lunch is ready and Mika is awake. He still looks exhausted.

"How come you came home early today?" I ask as we both sit down and start eating lunch.

"I finished working early," he answers uninterested.

"Right," I mutter, slightly disappointed. "Is everything okay, Mika?"

He looks up and sighs. "Yes, everything is fine."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes," he replies courtly and doesn't speak to me for the rest of the lunch. Mika helps me clean the plates and then disappears into his bedroom.

It's not until the doorbell rings that he exits the room. I believe he was asleep till just a few minutes ago. His hair is messy and he looks rested.

Mika opens the door and a guy enters. He looks familiar and has very similar facial structure to Mika. I believe I've seen him before but I can't place my finger on who exactly it is.

He notices me and smiles. My stomach clenches at the sight of that smile. He hasn't smiled in days which means he must've feel better.

"Ivory, this is my brother Fortune." We shake hands and Mika starts explaining about how he met me and what I'm doing at his place. Fortune is looking at me with a suspicious eye. I don't blame him. I would've been suspicious of myself too.

"So you cook, huh?"

"Yes," I reply to Fortune. He nods and then looks at Mika.

"We have something to discuss. Excuse us," he says and drags Mika away into the room where Mika's piano is placed. I wonder what's going on but it's not my place to ask.

As it's time for me to prepare dinner, I head to the kitchen. I make sure to cook enough for Fortune too.

"Oh, we're going out for a dinner, aren't we?" Fortune says when they return an hour later from the room. To my disappointment Mika agrees with his brother.

"You could join us," Mika suggests but I see the displeased glare coming from Fortune.

"No, thank you. It would be a shame to throw away all this food. I think I'd rather stay here and eat what I've prepared."

Fortune seems pleased with my answer. Mika sighs and nods. I don't know what's going on but I have a feeling that Fortune doesn't like me that much.

"Okay. Well, I'll be coming in late so don't worry about me. Just please take the dogs out." Mika seems a bit saddened by the fact that I'm not joining them.

"Don't worry. I'll take care of the dogs," I reply, smiling slightly. It's more of a forced smile than a genuine one. I kind of hoped that we'd dine together. Mika is in a much better mood which means I could finally have a decent conversation with him. That's not the case though. Unfortunately.

"Thanks," Mika says and they leave me in the apartment, alone with two dogs and a pile of food I could never eat on my own.

 


	12. 12

_"I only love you_  
 _I only love you_  
 _I only love you, only love you_  
 _Only love you when I'm drunk"_  
~~~~  
 _Drunk_. Mika is drunk. He comes home four hours after his dinner with Fortune. He opens the door and his tall body tumbles over the threshold. I hurry over to him and help him stand upright. Mika leans on me and giggles.

"Are you okay?" It worries me. Mika reeks of alcohol.

"Oui," he grins. I sigh and lay him on the couch. Mika hiccups and laughs to himself. I've never heard of Mika being drunk. As far as I know, he doesn't drink, or at least not too much.

"What happened?" I hope he speaks. I wish he tells me why he got drunk. But instead of answering, he sits up. Mika sways a bit and then leans his head on my shoulder. His eyes are closed. I remove the curls from his eyes and stroke his hair. Mika shifts slightly and mumbles something under his breath. I don't understand what he says.

"Ivory," he mumbles quietly.

"Yes?"

Mika lifts his head slightly and looks at me. He looks tired.

"Should I take you to bed?"

He only nods and I help him get up. We arrive to his bedroom. I haven't been in it before. I've always respected people's private spaces. His bedroom is similar to mine. Slightly bigger but also very bright. The covers on the big bed in the middle of the room are neatly made. Mika walks over to the bed, tripping over his feet a few times.

He gets into the bed and I tuck him in. I find the situation slightly amusing. Mika shifts in the bed a few times before turning to look at me.

"Stay with me," he pleads. My heart clenches and I nod. Lying next to him, I feel a bit uncomfortable. It's different this time. The last time I slept in the same bed as him, he was sober. Now he is drunk. I don't know if sober Mika would ask me to stay in his bed again.

I turn my head towards him and observe him. His eyes are once again closed although he isn't asleep yet. His breathing is calm.

"Ivory?" he calls my name again.

"Hm?" I ask softly. Mika shifts closer. His chest is pressed against mine. My breathing hitches the second his brown eyes meet with mine. Mika's breath fans over my face. I can smell the alcohol. Suddenly, his lips are pressed against mine. Seconds pass and no one moves. But then his eyes close again and mine too. He presses his lips closer and I return the kiss.

My mind is telling me to stop this nonsense. It's a drunken kiss. It doesn't mean anything. But my heart disagrees. Those soft lips against mine are making my heart hammer in my chest. Mika pulls away after a few seconds. Without a word, he shifts over and falls asleep.

I stay next to him for a little while, pondering over what just happened. My mind soon overpowers my heart and I leave the room.

~~~~~

I don't say anything to him when he wakes up. He comes out of his bedroom quite late in the morning. I've eaten my breakfast already but still left some for him. Mika doesn't say anything. When I accidentally drop the cup into the sink, he winces loudly.

"Are you okay?"

He glares at me and returns to his room. Sighing, I wash the dishes after him and grab the dogs' leashes.

"Amira, Melachi." I call and they happily pad over. Putting their leashes on, we head out for a walk. I stop at the store just by the street, and purchase some ingredients for lunch. We then continue our walk along the river Thames. I take them to a park where I let them run free for a few minutes. They play with each other. Melachi pads towards me and tugs at my sleeve. I chuckle and pat her head. She barks and wags her tail happily. Amira approaches soon after. We head back home.

"Where were you?" Mika's angry voice asks when I step into the apartment.

Flinching, I remove the leashes. "I just took your dogs out."

Mika rolls his eyes and turns around. He enters the living room. Melachi happily follows him behind. It's obvious that he is still hungover and doesn't remember anything from yesterday. Amira stays at my side while I prepare lunch. A sound of TV playing from the living room puts me at ease. At least he distances himself while being grumpy.

No matter how much I like him, he's been making me angry lately. I'm taking care of him and he doesn't even seem thankful. And not once do I complain. Mika is pushing me away when I try to help him. It hurts me.

I leave the food cooking and approach Mika who is lying on the couch. Sitting down next to him, I turn the TV off. Mika looks at me and frowns.

"We need to talk."

"About what?" He asks, face emotionless and innocent looking. My stomach flips and I sigh.

"You've been acting strange lately. And you got drunk yesterday. It worries me," I reply truthfully.

When I see his eyes soften, I smile softly.

"I know." He replies quietly, looking down to the floor.

"What's wrong, Mika?" I ask with a concerned voice.

"It's nothing important," he says softly.

"It isn't nothing."

Mika sighs and looks at me. His brown eyes are sad. "I have some family problems. And Fortune is the core of the problem."

"What did Fortune do, or say?"

"He doesn't like you, that's one of the reasons I'm upset. The other reason, I'd rather keep to myself."

Chuckling, I hug him. "I honestly don't care if Fortune likes me or not. As long as I'm your friend, I'm satisfied."

Mika hugs me back and leans his head on my shoulder. "You're always going to be my friend."

"Then I see no problem," I reply and pull back from the hug. Mika smiles and then looks at Melachi. She is staring at us with her big, kind eyes. He chuckles and pats her head.

"Thank you, Ivory. You just made my day a whole lot better." 

  
  



	13. 13

" _Isn't it enough_  
 _Isn't it enough just to be wild and free?"_  
 _~~~~~_

  
" _Pregnant_?! You're pregnant?" I yell over the phone enthusiastically. Kat laughs on the other side.

"Yes, I am." She whispers with what I sense as overflowing happiness in her voice.

"That's awesome! Congratulations!" I'm sincerely happy for her. Kaitlyn has an amazing boyfriend who loves her deeply. I'm sure they'll be great parents.

"Thanks, Ivory." Kaitlyn seems overjoyed. And I know why. Three years ago, we had a pretty bad car accident and we both sustained injuries that changed us. The doctors told Kat that there is a big chance she'll never be able to conceive. After that Kaitlyn became depressed. She met Landon during that period. And he helped her overcome the depression. Not once did he think of leaving her when she told him about the accident.

It's been different with me. The injuries I had didn't affect my body in the long term. But I was already in a difficult situation because of the school and my parents. Feeling guilty about the accident that ruined my best friend's life, pulled me into much deeper trouble. I was behind that wheel when a drunk driver crashed into the car. But Kaitlyn never blamed me and she stayed by my side.

Although she had her own problems, she took care of mine. And I'm extremely thankful for that.

"But what about college?" I ask.

"I'm graduating in two months. I decided to finish this year instead of staying for another one." Kaitlyn explains and chuckles. "Will you come to my graduation?"

"Um... I'll try. But I don't know how or where I'll be in two months. Mika only has a week and a half left of his vacation."

"Oh... Didn't you two discuss about this?"

"No, we only talked about the three weeks of his vacation. I don't know how it'll be after this," I explain, sighing. I hope I can remain working for him. Or at the very least, staying at his apartment while I find a new job.

"Well, go ask him. I want to know if you can come to my graduation," Kat whines in a childish way. I chuckle and shake my head.

"I'm not sure I can ask him right now."

"Why not?"

"He is in his piano room. I don't want to interrupt him whilst he's working. After all, he just got better. Mika can finally write again," I explain and Kat sighs.

"Okay then. Ask him later. But call me right after you two talk."

"I will," I say, giggling. "Say hi to Landon for me, okay? And tell him that he needs to take care of you and the baby. Because if he doesn't, I'll make sure to beat him up."

Kaitlyn laughs and says goodbye. We hang up. I look at Amira and Melachi. Both are sleeping next to me on the couch. I pet them for a while.

"Who were you talking to earlier?" Mika startles me as he enters the room. I look over my shoulder and grin.

"That was Kat. She shared some news with me," I explain. The skin next to his eyes wrinkles as he smiles adorably. Mika's lean body presses against my side as he sits down. The sofa seems big at first but once you have two dogs sleeping on it, there is barely enough room for two people.

"So, what's the news? You seemed pretty happy."

"Oh! Kaitlyn is pregnant. And she wants me to attend her graduation in two months."

"Really? That's great," Mika exclaims and ruffles my hair. I glare at him teasingly. He chuckles and pecks my cheek.

I blush and look down at my lap. "Yeah, it's great. But I don't know if I'll make it to the graduation."

"Why wouldn't you?" Mika asks, raising an eyebrow. His nose scrunches. I laugh at his expression.

"Because, I'll be unemployed by the end of this month, assumingly," I state, still giggling.

Mika looks confused.

"Because you're in London for less than two weeks. And after you go back to the tour, I have no one to cook for."

"Oh..." he sighs. "Don't worry about that. I already have a job for you."

"You do?" I ask, surprised.

"Of course I do. There's no way I'd just leave you here without anything to do," Mika states and ruffles my hair again.

"So, what's the job then?"

"I have a friend who is a chef at the restaurant. She needs a cook to help her. And she agreed to save you a spot."

"Really?" This is awesome news. I'd thought that I'll search for a job for a while, and now I don't even have to look.

"Yes," Mika laughs. "And you can stay here while I'm gone too."

"Thank you!" I exclaim and wrap my arms around him. He hugs me back and pats my back.

"You're welcome."

I smile as I pull away from the hug. "What about the graduation though? I'll need at least three days of vacation."

"Don't worry. I'll talk to my friend and make sure that you can go, okay?"

"Okay," I smile thankfully. "I'm so glad I met you."

"Vice versa," Mika replies and kisses my cheek again. A red flush appears on my face. He chuckles and wraps his arm around my shoulder.

"So, you haven't made dinner today?"

"Um... I forgot. Sorry, but Kat was so happy and-"

"It's okay," Mika laughs, beaming at me. We can go out and eat out at the restaurant where you'll be working soon."

"That's a good idea," I reply happily.

Mika nods and stands up. "Besides, I'm sure you wouldn't mind a night out."

"You're right." I stand up too and we head out to the restaurant. Once we're out on the street, he takes my hand. My cheeks heat up even more but it's dark so no one can notice it.

"Let's go have fun," Mika nudges me as he opens the door of the restaurant for me.

 


	14. 14

" _Once I get up I feel better_  
 _Then I pull myself together_  
 _I remember those two letters_  
 _It will be OK"_

~~~~~

"Do you really have to go touring again?" I whine. I sound clingy even though I'm well aware we're just friends.

"Yes, I do." His brown curls are falling over his eyes. We're packing for Mika's tour. Well, Mika is packing and I'm sitting on his bed, watching him intently.

"So you're just going to leave me here? All alone in the unknown city?" I ask, exaggerating every bit. Mika smiles and looks at me. He knows I'm not serious about this. 

"You have a job that you like. You've lived here for three weeks already so the city isn't that unknown to you." He argues.

 "I know," I sigh in defeat and lay down on his bed. I look up at the ceiling. Tears gather in my eyes as I think about Mika leaving. I shouldn't have gotten so attached to him. But he is the only one I have now. Kaitlyn is far away and can't really keep me company. Taking a deep breath, I stop the tears from falling.

"You're going to be fine," Mika soothes. I know he's trying to make me feel better. But it's only making it worse. 

"Yeah," my voice breaks. I hope he doesn't hear it.

"Ivory..." Mika sighs and sits next to me. I push myself up but avoid his gaze.

"It's going to be okay," I sound convincing, even to myself. But you can't fool Mika that easily.

 "I know you're going to be okay. You're happy with the job I got you, right?" I nod. I've been working for his friend for a week now. The kitchen I work in is amazing. And the chef - Mika's friend - is very talented. She can be pretty harsh with me but I understand why. I'm not perfect in kitchen. But I'm improving, I suppose.

"I'm glad," Mika sighs. I lay down again and he goes back to packing.

~~~~

'It's just a summer tour. Eleven concerts around Italy,' I say to myself. I've been trying to calm my erratic heartbeat ever since we arrived at the airport. Mika is flying on his plane soon. Less than an hour and I'll be alone.While Mika is taking care of stuff before flying, I stay with his dogs. He is taking them both with him. Which means I really won't have any company at all. 

Amira and Melachi are lying on the airport's floor, their tails lazily swaying around. Just watching them rest calms me in a way.People are rushing around the airport. You don't see one person twice. It reminds me of my thoughts.

Chaos. Just like people at the airport, my thoughts are all over the place. There's Jordan on my mind. And I have no idea why. Also there's Kat and her pregnancy. I worry about her. She nearly lost the baby last week when someone crushed into her at the campus. 

She fell and hit her stomach. There was some blood but the doctors said that the baby is fine for now.The whole thing scared her and Kaitlyn cried for hours into her phone. I tried to calm her down but didn't succeed. Landon helped her after our talk.But the hardest thing to deal with is my feelings for Mika. 

Ever since that drunken kiss, my heart would beat faster in his presence. My belly would fill up with tingling butterflies. The fact that Mika has been more affectionate since that day is making this worse and a whole lot harder. The small kisses on the cheek or him holding my hand in public are filling my head with unrealistic thoughts.

Not once has he voiced his feelings for me though. Mika has never said we're anything more than friends. I have no idea if he likes me in a romantic way. Not knowing is driving me crazy.I'm too shy to admit to him. There has been plenty of opportunity this week. I could've told him any time I wanted. But I couldn't and I still can't. Mika is leaving for Italy and I have this irrational fear inside me. I'm afraid that he isn't coming back. At least not back to me.

"What has you so deep in thought that you don't even hear me calling?" A voice reaches me from behind. Mika startles me slightly. He comes in view as he squats down next to Amira. Mika pets Amira and looks up to me. Well, he doesn't really have to look up as he is tall enough.

"Oh, it's nothing." I look into his brown eyes and smile sadly. I still can't seem to stomach the fact that he is leaving.

Mika sighs and stands up. He takes the leashes from my hands. Melachi and Amira stand up immediately. I look at the big clock on the wall.

"I suppose it's time for your flight, right?"Mika nods and takes my hand in his. His dogs are on his left side while I follow him on his right. I look down at our join hands and my stomach clenches. The smile disappears from my face.

As Mika hands the leashes over to some guy, my eyes tear up again. I avoid Mika's gaze and continue to look at my feet. Mika lifts my chin up but I don't meet his eyes.My belly is once again filled with butterflies. My skin tingles where his fingers are touching my chin. Tears fall down my cheeks uncontrollably. I'm still not looking at Mika. All I see is his chest, moving up and down in rhythm with his breathing.

Suddenly, I'm pressed against his chest. His arms wrapped around my waist and Mika's head rests on my head. Instinctively, I wrap my arms around him. Burying my face into his chest, I start sobbing. The sobs probably don't sound attractive but it's hard to stop. I'm aware that I'm acting like a child, instead of a 22-year-old. But I don't care.

Mika shushes me and strokes my back in a comforting way. "It's going to be okay, Ivory. I'll come back soon."

I nod gently and calm down a bit. Mika pulls away from the hug and once again lifts my chin. This time my teary blue eyes meet his brown. I can see concern in his eyes. And something else. He gently wipes my tears with his thumb and smiles.

"I love you," he whispers and presses his lips against mine. My mind processes his words and I gasp. Closing my eyes and recovering from the shock, I respond to the kiss. The feeling of his soft lips sends warmth through my body. I wrap my arms around his neck and step on my tiptoes. Mika smiles into the kiss and gently pulls away. Our eyes meet again and this time I'm smiling.

Now I know what I see in his eyes. Love. This amazing emotion which causes you to forget about the rest of the world and makes you focus only on that person. My mind and my heart are going crazy. Mika loves me. And I love him.

I open my mouth to tell him that but he also turns around in that moment. His plane is ready to leave. My stomach twists as he starts walking away from me. Mika looks over his shoulder and waves, before disappearing into the crowd. He's gone.

 


	15. 15

 " _Oh Billy Brown had lived an ordinary life._  
 _Two kids, a dog, and a precautionary wife._  
 _While it was all going accordingly to plan_  
 _Then Billy Brown fell in love with another man._  
 _He met his lover almost every single day_  
 _Making excuses for his dodgy holiday"_

~~~~

Time flies quickly, even when you're all alone. Work keeps you busy enough during the day but at night it's different. I enjoy working at the restaurant even if it means I come home utterly exhausted. And usually I greet the exhaustion with gratefulness because I don't have trouble falling asleep. On days when work is slow and I get home with some energy left I feel depressed. I lie in my bed - Mika's actually – and think of him and how much I miss him. We text during the day but with his tour and my work it's just hard to align our schedules.

But he'll be home soon. The summer is nearly over and so is his tour. I spent a week in Paris with Kat. She graduated and actually got engaged to Landon. I'm very happy that it turned out so well for her. She's in her sixth month and the baby is healthy. Kat is constantly glowing when we chat on Skype. But I miss hanging out with her like we used to. Not only am I too far to see her daily, she has also changed and matured with the pregnancy.

Her mother instincts had developed and now she calls me whenever she senses that something is bothering me. It's quite funny because sometimes she figures it out even before I do. And that makes me miss her even more. I'm mostly feeling low when I miss Mika and since Kat is the only one who knows that there is something between us, I can only talk to her about it. 

Walking home from work is my daily routine now. But today I notice something as I pass the kiosk near my apartment. On one of those silly magazines, Mika's face strikes out. Interested, I stop and take the magazine in my hands. A big picture of Mika and some unknown guy holding hands is plastered across the cover and my stomach churns. The magazine is unfortunately packed in a plastic wrap so the only way for me to read this article about Mika is if I buy the magazine.

I pull out my wallet, pay for the magazine and quickly head towards the apartment. My stomach is filled with nervous butterflies. I haven't really followed any social media posts about Mika because it would just make me miss him more. But what is seen cannot be unseen and now I'm intrigued. It feels like something bad will turn out of this. Unlocking the apartment, I don't even bother turning the lights on. I enter the living room, sit on the sofa and turn on the TV. I prefer the TV light in the evenings over the bright ceiling lights.  

 Tearing the plastic off the magazine, I open it to the page of Mika's article. Once again my eyes are greeted by the picture of Mika holding hands with a guy. But the picture is accompanied by other similar ones. There is one of them eating dinner together and even one where Mika is kissing that guy on the cheek. A knot forms in my gut and my palms get sweaty. The kiss looks innocent enough to be mistaken for a friend's one. But as I skim read the article my breath catches. The speculations of Mika's summer romance are indeed based on some confirmed facts that I haven't heard of before today.

My hands tremble as I pull my phone out of the pocket. Not sure if I should straightforwardly ask Mika about this, I snap a photo of the article and send it to Kat asking for her opinion. As I wait for her reply, my mind is constantly repeating the words I've just read. Tears gather in my eyes as I think of Mika being unfaithful with another guy. He looked so happy on those pictures and as I remember how he used to be back here in London, I can't recall he actually looked this happy then. Perhaps his writer block really stressed him out and having me here didn't help. I guess the tour helped him relax and finally enjoy himself even if with another guy. 

'Honestly, love, it just looks like something media decided to blow out of proportion. I think Mika would be honest with you if he fell in love with someone else over the summer.   
Kat xx'

The text is typical Kat. She always writes long messages because it usually calms my thoughts. But this one doesn't help. I still feel like there is some truth behind the article.

'Are you sure? Am I really just worrying too much?'

'Yes, I'm sure. But you should ask Mika if it worries you so much. He truly never has looked as someone who would cheat, so I don't believe this media stuff.  
Kat xx'

Gulping, I decide to ask Mika about it. But as I look at the time I change my mind. He is in the middle of his concert at the moment and he'll be too tired to deal with me after it. Locking the phone's screen, I head towards the bedroom. It's late and the article situation will have to wait till tomorrow. Luckily Mondays mean only afternoon work for me so I have the whole morning to deal with Mika tomorrow.

But I can't fall asleep, no matter how much I try to. The article keeps appearing in my mind and among other things Jordan appears as well. I have had some nightmares of him after Mika left for tour but this week has been quiet. And I would prefer if it stayed that way, but my mind apparently has other plans. After a few hours of these thoughts, exhaustion finally overcomes me and lures me to sleep. Unfortunately the sleep is restless and dreams are troublesome.

Mika and Jordan keep my sleeping mind busy and at some point they become one horrid person that haunts me through the entire night. 


	16. Chapter 16

The rumors have gotten worse. Being the chicken I am, the conversation about the article didn't happen with Mika. By the next morning I had changed my mind about asking him and now it's been three days since I've last talked to him. Avoiding his calls and ignoring his messages hasn't been easy but luckily my job has kept me busy and my mind occupied.

Mika had noticed that something is wrong, I suppose. The calls and messages are more frequent and desperate. But I just can't keep myself from avoiding him. The social media is booming with the news of Mika and his new _boyfriend_. Even though neither of them haven't confirmed it yet, the photos spoke for themselves.

Kat also noticed that I haven't asked him. Which resulted a text message from her.

 _'I contacted Mika._  
_Kat xx'_

I received the message two hours ago and hadn't replied yet. I'm afraid of what she found out. Yet now, as I sit on the sofa tired from work, I do want to hear Kat out. Sighing, I pick my phone out from my pocket and check to see if she's online on Skype. Fortunately _(or unfortunately)_ she is and so I give her a call.

"Hi!" Her cheerful voice rings through the apartment in mere seconds.

Gulping, I return the greeting and nervously ask about the previous text.

"Oh, Ivory. You worry way too much. Mika is very concerned since you haven't been answering him and when I contacted him, he nearly had a panic attack because he thought something has happened to you."

"Really?" I find it hard to believe that he's been so worried about me.

"Yes, and after about ten minutes of reassuring him that you are okay, I managed to ask him about the tabloids."

"What did he say?" My voice cracks at the end and my breathing quickens.

The sigh on the other side of my phone gives me chills all over my body. Consequently I begin to think about all the bad things Kat can tell me right now.

"He didn't say much. No matter how much I tried to pry out of him, Mika insisted on remaining quiet about it. The only thing he said is that you need to check your email. Apparently everything is explained in one of the emails he had sent you."

My eyes dart across the living room before I manage to reply. Seconds later Kat calls for my attention and wakes me from my deep thoughts. "I'm sorry Kat, but I have to go," I quickly mutter and hang up.

Taking a deep breath and closing my eyes, I try to relax against the sofa. My hands tremble and my breathing is rigid. I don't like how scared I am of merely checking my mail and finding out what is really going on. Finally gathering my courage, I open the app and find Mika's mail. Inside nothing much except a greeting is written. But the attachment sparks my interest. Opening it, I find the information about a plane ticket and the flight to Italy. Slightly confused I soon figure out what all this means. Mika wants me to come to Italy for the weekend before his tour ends. My heart starts pounding again. Is it because he wants to break up with me in person? Or does he want to explain everything and reassure me that all of that are really just rumors?

Once again my mind becomes restless with possibilities. I print out the plane ticket and inform my boss about the vacation I'm taking for the weekend. The cheerful reply I get only confirms that Mika really has arranged everything. The plane leaves at 9.00 a.m. on Friday which is tomorrow. Suddenly full of energy, I start packing everything I would need for the weekend in Italy and after about an hour I crash on to my bed and fall asleep.

****

Nervous butterflies flutter in my stomach as I enter the Italian airport. Venice airport is packed with people and the worry about getting lost in this unknown place only grows. Looking around, I try to find Mika's familiar face but am left disappointed. Suddenly my eyes register another familiar face, though this time instead of happiness I am filled with jealous anger. The guy from all those tabloid photos is patiently searching for someone. And when his gaze connects with mine, he smiles and walks over towards me. Unsure of why he is approaching me, I cowardly step back. But the smiles becomes even kinder when he stops in front of me.

"Hi, you're Ivory, right?" The guy asks and offers me a hand.

I nod and shake his hand while he introduces himself as Damiano. He explains that he is here to pick me up because Mika's appearance at the airport might cause too much of a scene.

Then he politely takes me to his car and drives me to the hotel where Mika is staying. During the ride I want to ask him about the tabloids but each time I remain silent. He chats about different stuff and I find his Italian accent somehow soothing. No matter how much I want to be angry and jealous of him, my mind just doesn't cooperate.

Damiano seems far to kind to deserve bad treatment from a stranger like me. I also wonder if this is the way of my intuition telling me that he and Mika aren't together and are just friends. As we arrive to the hotel, he shows me the way to Mika's room and then leaves me alone. Nervously I knock and Mika opens the door. My heart isn't prepared to see him though. The unruly curls and the brown eyes make my heart skip but at the same time the bags under his eyes fill me with concern. Mika suddenly pulls me inside and hugs me tight.

"Hi." Is all he needs to say for me to know that everything is going to be okay and those were just rumors that scared me.

"Hey," I reply and wrap my arms around him. "I missed you."


	17. Epilogue

"And now I pronounce you husband and husband. You may now kiss."  
Mika grins at me as the official says those last words. It doesn't take long before his long legs move him just a step closer to me. The grin on his face is matching my own as he leans closer and presses his warm lips against mine.  
"Finally you are my husband," Mika whispers as he pulls back gently. His eyes sparkle with happiness and I feel overjoyed as well.  
With the corner of my eye I notice Kat trying to wipe her tears but the baby girl in her arms is preventing her of doing so.  
I chuckle and Mika looks over as well and smiles.  
"You think we'll have one of those soon as well?" Mika asks and I look at him with a raised eyebrow.  
"Have what? A kid?" I ask, slightly confused. We haven't talked about kids, not really. Marriage was a simple thing to discuss after I came out to my parents and practically got disowned once again. Their dreams of having a son who would take over the business had crashed.  
The living arrangement didn't even had to be mentioned because I've been living with Mika even before we started dating. But kids just didn't struck a conversation yet.  
Mika has his music career while I just started my career in the cuisine. So I haven't even considered children before now. I mean, I adore Kat's daughter and so does Mika.  
"Uhm, I don't know?" It sounds more like a question when I say it out loud but honestly Mika just put me on a spot.  
Mika sighs and nods. "We'll discuss this some other time."  
"Okay..." my smile falters for a second but then I remember that this is after all my wedding day and that I am a happy newlywed guy.

****

"I love you," Mika says as he wraps his arm around my waist. I smile as we lay in our bed back at the apartment.  
"I love you too," I reply and his grip on me tightens. We decided not to go on a honeymoon trip. Mika has just finished with his tour and is sick and tired of traveling. So that's why we are staying at home for a week while I'm on my vacation. I prefer it this way because there's no need to rush anything and I can just relax with Mika.

Mika trails a finger along my shoulder and down my naked body all the way to my hips. A gentle kiss here and there touches my skin. I smile and close my eyes as he teases me gently.  
"So... I'm thinking of retiring from my music."  
The words surprise me. I turn around facing him and look at him. "Retiring?"  
"Yes, I'm quite tired of everything and would rather just stay at home, spending time with you, my dogs and..." he pauses, kisses, my cheek and softly whispers: "perhaps a kid or two of our own."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I completely forgot to update on this page so here it is after a year!


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